Many cultures and society too teach us that putting ourselves first is selfish. This belief can make us feel guilty for practicing self-care or setting boundaries. However, prioritising your own needs is not only healthy—it’s essential for your well-being and your ability to support others.
Challenging the negative narrative
- Cultural Conditioning: From a young age, many of us are taught to put others before ourselves. Phrases like “don’t be selfish” or “think of others first” can create a mindset where self-care feels wrong.
- Societal Expectations: Society often praises self-sacrifice and overextending for others, especially in roles like parenting, caregiving, or community service.
- The Reality: Consistently ignoring your own needs leads to burnout, resentment, and poor mental health. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
The impact on your mental health
- Porous Boundaries: When you believe self-care is selfish, you may struggle to say no, leading to overcommitment and stress.
- Emotional Exhaustion: Constantly giving without replenishing yourself can cause anxiety, depression, and emotional fatigue.
- Loss of Identity: Neglecting your own needs can make you lose touch with your own desires, goals, and sense of self.
Reframing self-care and Boundaries
- Self-Care Is Necessary: Taking care of yourself is not indulgent—it’s a foundation for physical, emotional, and mental health.
- Boundaries Are Healthy: Setting boundaries protects your energy and allows you to be present and supportive for others.
- Meeting Your Needs: When you meet your own needs, you model healthy behaviour for others and create more authentic, balanced relationships.
How to Challenge the Belief That Self-Care Is Selfish
- Acknowledge the Belief: Notice when you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself. Ask yourself where that belief comes from.
- Reframe Your Thinking: Remind yourself that self-care enables you to be your best self for others.
- Practice Saying No: Start with small boundaries and build up. Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself.
- Educate Yourself: Read about the importance of boundaries and self-care. Knowledge can help shift your mindset.
- Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings. You’re not alone in this struggle.
Affirmations to Support Healthy Boundaries
- “Taking care of myself allows me to better care for others.”
- “My needs are valid and important.”
- “Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.”
Challenging the belief that thinking of yourself is selfish is a journey. Remember, self-care and healthy boundaries are not only your right—they are necessary for a fulfilling, balanced life. By meeting your own needs, you create the foundation to support both yourself and the people you love.
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